Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Can vaginas get frostbite?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
