The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize