My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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