The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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