At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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