Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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