dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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