drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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