How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
where are my eyebrows?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
