that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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