so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
