in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
