I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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