So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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