I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
