i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Why can't burritos get me drunk
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
