id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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