If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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