I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
