I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
