So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
