'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
