I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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