I hate your face
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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