Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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