so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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