So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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