Just cropdusted the office
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
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In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
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What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me