I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.