Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.