I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
