I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
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