He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
