The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
