rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
