I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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