You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
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