This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
