I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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