He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
