apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
You can't special order awesome
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
This is my life. Enjoy the view
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
