I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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