I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
