I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
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she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
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Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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