Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I need to calm my uterus...
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
