if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
