This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
then he tried to convert me to islam
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
