I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
