Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
