Four minutes until I can fart!
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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