I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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