This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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