I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
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