Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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