Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
