when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
