Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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