So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
