Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
