Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Randomize
