Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
