so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
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theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
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I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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