Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
