i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
