I wanna passion pit in your ass
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
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Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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