Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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