You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Is it penis luge time yet?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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